Are you punishing yourself with the wrong clothes?

“I realize I have been punishing my body with the wrong clothes.”

Earlier this Spring L I was in the middle of a shopping session with a client in Century 21 in New York. After trying on her 3rd piece of clothing (a dress), she looked at me with watering eyes and said: “I realize I have been punishing my body with clothes that repressed my curves and the work we are doing together is completely changing the way I see and dress my body.”

Then she added: “Women need you Silfath. I am serious. You know that, right?”

The sad truth is too many women spend years wearing clothes that don’t celebrate and flatter their body and beauty. So, today let’s figure out if you are punishing yourself with the wrong clothes and what you can do to change it.

So, how do you know you are “punishing” instead of treasuring and celebrating?

#1 – Your excitement/pleasure is close to 0 when you get dressed

The first sign of a wardrobe that is not bringing out the best in you is how you feel when getting dressed. If you feel bored, underwhelmed, frustrated, overwhelmed by your closet, then you need a change. It’s time to have a honest conversation with yourself and figure out who you are as a woman, what you want and how your clothes can uplift you.

Where are you today? Are you fully embrace the woman you are, body, mind and spirit? What changes can you start making to bring more excitement to your wardrobe? More colors? Accessories? New styles? Read more about Stylosophy here.

#2 – Clothes are purely functional

You mostly wear clothes to cover your body. Purely functional. This happens a lot to young moms because they have been through so much transformation and they feel lost. Plus they have little time for themselves.

Also, you may be in a purely functional mode if you don’t know how to dress for your body type, and have lost the desire to look amazing because you think you can’t. I see it often with women with body image issues, which brings me to the next 2 signs.

#3 – Your dressing strategy is based on hiding, not celebrating.

That’s a classic. Too many women are trying to blend in and don’t want the attention because they think they are not worthy of it, or because they associate attracting attention with being flashy and/or being judged/criticized. So instead of being there and owning their brilliance, they tone it down.

The hiding strategy can also be related to one body part: the chest, the hips, the belly. Unfortunately, too often, during the process of hiding whatever you feel uncomfortable about, all the beautiful things about you get lost too. This is because the only focus is on what you perceive to be negative attributes, while forgetting to focus on your many positives. For instance, if you have a pear shape (narrow shoulders and full hips) and wear wide flowy tops that are long enough to cover your hips, you are often hiding a small and defined waist in the process.

#4 – You often think “I would look good if/when I lose weight”

Red flag!! You are definitely punishing your body by telling yourself this. The underlying message here is ‘I don’t deserve to look fabulous because I am not the right size”. And I am going to be honest with you: I hear this too often and it’s a toxic mindset. I would argue that: Looking Good Can Make You Lose Weight.

#5 – Your closet is cluttered

Clutter in your closet usually reveals 2 things. The first cause of clutter might be that you are holding on to the past; and because of this, your wardrobe is more archival that current. In other words, your wardrobe is still representing you at different stages of your past life (10, 5, 2 years ago) instead of honoring and celebrating the woman you are today. It often happens when you feel the past was better (I was young and full of life, I was 10 pounds lighter, I had the love of my life…).

The second cause of clutter might be that you are a bit confused. You are not sure of who you are today or, if you are sure, you don’t know how to express it with your clothes. It’s ok. Stylosophy is a simple approach to rediscover yourself.

Ready for a change? Go back to the basics: who are you today?

Stylosophy is the art of building a wardrobe that allows you be radiant based on 4 elements:

• Physical Features,
• Personal Style,
• Lifestyle,
• Hopes & Dreams.

Jessica (picture above), learnt how to dress for her body type but also for her career as a successful creative business owner.

In Part 2, you will discover easy steps to create a shift in your style and the way you dress.

So tell me? Did you identify with any of the 5 signs? Which one was the most surprising or eye-opening for you?